Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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