Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I skipped work to stalk him.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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