so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
