How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
