when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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