Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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