i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
