i jhust puked up my retainher.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
