Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
