dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize