We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
