he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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