So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
