No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
