I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
