Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
