just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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