why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
