If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
