Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize