so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
