i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
