Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
