Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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