he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
