I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
