Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
