Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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