did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
