Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just pynch a tree in the face
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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