Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
