do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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