ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
