Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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