I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
