Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
