I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
