there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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