I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
