drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
