She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
