so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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