i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
