best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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