I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
COCAINE IS GR8
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