No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize