I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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