I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Naked Twister starts at high noon
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
