Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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