Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
