Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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