He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
