I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I fill condoms, not promises.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
