kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize