I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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