Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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