And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
