She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
