Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
