alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
