So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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