I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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