I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
