the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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