Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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