Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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