there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i've created a new STD.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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