I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
