She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize