There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
