I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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