She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want a musical about memes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
