Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
