I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
