The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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