my sisters under your porch take her home
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
