Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
