you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
