I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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