i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
